Fitting Room Letters

My sister Irina got engaged last spring and for reasons I still don't fully understand, she put me, her thirty-four-year-old brother Monty, in charge of her wedding dress fittings, because between the new baby and the fiancé she was drowning and I was the only family member with a flexible schedule. I'm a mechanic, I own a garage off Route 9, and my entire working knowledge of clothing is that coveralls come in two sizes, blue and more blue. So when Irina texted me on a Tuesday saying she couldn't make her appointment at this bridal studio called Thread & Needle, I did what any reasonable man would do, which was email the studio in the least graceful way possible.

Here's the actual email, I saved it because honestly it deserves to be remembered.

Subject: CANCEL fitting (Irina Wu, Thursday slot)

Hi. My sister Irina can't make her fitting Thursday, her sitter cancelled and the baby has an ear thing. I need to cancel her slot. Also full honesty, I don't know what happens at a fitting, I assumed you'd need me to tell you something but I don't know what. She's the bride, size whatever, she'll know her numbers. Sorry if this is the wrong way to do this. Reschedule when she's free, or if you need to charge us for missing it that's fine, just email me the amount. Thanks, Monty.

I sent that at about 11 in the morning while I was under a Corolla with transmission fluid on my forearm, and I forgot about it until my phone buzzed around two.

Subject: RE: CANCEL fitting

Hi Monty,

Well, this is a first. I've had grooms email me, I've had mothers of the bride email me at 3 a.m., but I don't think a brother has ever emailed to cancel and apologize in the same paragraph. Give Irina my best and tell her the ear thing happens, my nephew had three of them before he turned two.

No charge, the slot was mine to fill anyway. She can reschedule through the booking link whenever the baby is human again.

Now, since you asked what happens at a fitting and you clearly know nothing about fabric, I'm going to need a few things from you for the file. Every appointment I take gets a measurements sheet, and since you're apparently handling family business now, congratulations, you're my contact. Next time you talk to Irina, get me her bust, waist, and hip numbers, in inches, and ask her if she wants the neckline altered from the sketch I sent because she never answered that and it's been two weeks.

Also, purely out of curiosity, and because your email had the energy of a man who thinks satin is a brand name, what exactly did you assume happens at a fitting?

Jamila Thread & Needle

I read that twice at my desk with a cold cup of coffee and I remember grinning like an idiot, which is not something I do, I'm a fairly serious guy, most of my conversations are about brake pads. But she was funny, and she asked me a direct question, and I don't know, I typed back before I could overthink it.

Subject: RE: RE: CANCEL fitting

Okay first of all I don't think satin is a brand name, I think it's a finish, like on a paint can, and I stand by that. Second, I assumed a fitting involves a lady standing on a stool while someone pins her, which I got from a movie, so if that's wrong I'll retire from wedding logistics immediately.

Irina's numbers I can get you this weekend, she calls me every Sunday anyway to complain about the baby and the fiancé in that order.

As for my measurements, if you need them for the file, here you go, off the top of my head from the last time I had to order coveralls, so don't judge. Chest 44, waist 36, I'm six one and about 210 on a good week, 215 during the holidays. I should tell you I'm more grease than grace, there's a permanent stain situation on my hands no soap has ever fixed, and the only thing I've ever had fitted is a mechanic's uniform from a catalog. Fair warning to whatever file this goes in.

Her reply came the next morning, and I would like to say I read it professionally, but I read it three times in the truck in the shop parking lot before I went inside.

Subject: RE: measurements

Monty,

44 chest and a 36 waist at six one is not a tragedy, that's a man who could actually wear a fitted waistcoat, which is more than I can say for half the grooms I measure, most of whom lie to me about the waist and then act betrayed when the tape disagrees. Grease washes out of most things, and grace is my job, not yours, so the division of labor is already settled.

Paint can satin is honestly the closest description a civilian has ever given me, I'm not even being sarcastic, I might use that with a client.

Here's a thing to think about, and tell me to mind my business if I'm over the line. I've been doing bridal work for two years and I'm in a rut, everything I make right now is white and flowing and for someone else's body. I've been sketching a men's line, waistcoats and structured shirts, nothing I've ever put on a real person, just paper. Your numbers landed in my inbox and I did what I always do, which was start picturing the garment on the body. It's a habit, it's not a proposition, I want to be plain about that before I go on.

So. Hypothetically, there's a thing called a sample fitting, where I drape an unfinished piece on a person and pin it and see what the paper was lying to me about. I have a fitting room with a three-way mirror and a velvet chaise that smells faintly like my aunt's house, don't ask, and nobody uses it on weekday mornings. Hypothetically, if a mechanic with honest numbers wanted to stand still for an hour while a woman with pins in her collar circled him, I would get data, and he would get to see what he looks like in something that isn't coveralls.

No pressure, and I mean it. This is completely separate from your sister's dress, her file and her account. Nothing about her appointment or any bill depends on your answer, and a no costs you nothing. But that's the offer sitting in my drafts folder.

Jamila

I sat there with my thumb hovering over the keyboard for a solid minute. A guy three years out of his last anything, a woman describing a chaise lounge and pins, and my heart doing something embarrassing that I could feel in my ears. And the thing that got me wasn't even the flirty part, it was that she'd said tell me to mind my business, like she actually meant it, like there was a door I could close and she'd walk away whistling.

Subject: RE: RE: measurements

Okay, mind my business is noted and I'm not minding yours, which is maybe the wrong answer but it's the honest one. If you're serious about the sample fitting thing, I'm serious about standing still. I'm good at standing still, I do it under cars for a living. Weekday mornings work, the shop doesn't open till ten, I can be wherever before that. Just tell me when and what I should wear, and whether I need to bring anything besides measurements and permanent shame about my hands.

Her email back came an hour later and it was shorter, and I could tell she'd written it fast, and that affected me too.

Subject: Friday. 8 a.m.

Don't dress up, I need to see what I'm working with underneath anyway, so a plain button shirt, something I can unbutton to the collar when I need to check the shoulder line. That's standard, I do it with every fitting, I just haven't done it with a man who writes sentences like permanent shame about my hands.