Open Road Lessons

The rain was coming down hard when Lizzie pulled up outside Kate's apartment building in Lincoln. She honked twice and leaned over to push the passenger door open.

Kate came running out with a duffel bag over her head and dove into the car, laughing. "God, it's a monsoon out there! You didn't even offer an umbrella pickup service?"

"It's a two day drive to Chicago, Kate. You're lucky I didn't make you take the bus." Lizzie was thirty-two, and Kate was thirty-three, and they'd been best friends since college, eleven years now. Kate had never once let Lizzie live down the bus joke.

"So are you going to tell me the actual plan, or do I have to guess the whole way to Des Moines?" Kate asked, buckling her seatbelt.

"You know the plan. I'm going to see Tommy. I'm going to tell him I made a mistake. I'm going to tell him I'll do better. I'm going to win him back." Lizzie said it fast, like ripping a bandage off.

Kate didn't answer right away. She looked out the window at the rain hammering the windshield. "You broke up six months ago, honey. He ended it. He's an accountant who alphabetizes his spice rack. What exactly is the pitch?"

"The pitch is I still love him!"

"Uh huh. And what's your pitch to me? Because you just asked me to burn two days driving to Chicago to watch you beg a man who already said no."

Lizzie gripped the wheel and didn't say anything. That was the truth of it, and she knew Kate could see it. She'd cried on the phone three times in the past month. Kate had listened every time.

"Fine," Kate said finally. "Fine. But we're stopping for gas and snacks, because if I have to hear the name Tommy for four more hours I need gummy worms to survive it."

They stopped at a gas station outside Lincoln, one of those big truck stop places with a Subway inside. Lizzie pumped gas while Kate went in. When Lizzie came in to pay, Kate was standing by the cooler with a bottle of pop in each hand and a look on her face.

"Okay, I've been thinking," Kate said. "And I'm going to say something kind of mean, so brace yourself."

"That's ominous."

"You're not driving to Chicago to get Tommy back. You're driving to Chicago to punish yourself. There's a difference, and the difference is that the second one never works."

Lizzie stared at her. "That's not fair. You don't know that."

"Six months, Lizzie. What have you done in six months? You moved his mug to the top shelf and you made a Pinterest board called Someday. Come on."

Lizzie put her credit card back in her wallet and looked at the floor. "So what, you're saying I should just give up?"

"No. I'm saying you should try something else!" Kate stepped closer, voice dropping a little. "Here's my offer, and it's separate from the drive. I'm in this car either way, and if you say no I'll shut up and carry the snacks to Chicago like a champion. But if you want it, for this trip you follow my rules. No questions, no arguing, no negotiating. If you don't like where it's going, you say so and we stop, that part is always true. If you're going to hand over two days of your life to chase a man, you can hand two days to me instead, and I promise you'll get more out of it."

"What kind of rules?" Lizzie asked. Her stomach did something strange. Not bad, exactly. Strange.

"That's a question. Rule one is no questions." Kate smiled. "Do you want to try it or not?"

Lizzie thought about it for the length of one long breath. "Okay. Yes. Deal."

"Good girl. Now pay for my gummy worms."

They drove the rest of the way to Des Moines in a weird, charged silence. Kate navigated. Every so often she'd give a small instruction, drink some water, put your phone away, relax your shoulders. Lizzie caught herself obeying before she'd even decided to, and that scared her a little, and also didn't.

The motel was cheap and orange. One room, two beds, a microwave that smelled like old popcorn. Kate set her duffel on the far bed and turned around.

"Kneel," she said.

"What, here?"

"That's two questions. Floor, honey. Right there."

Lizzie knelt on the scratchy orange carpet, facing Kate, feeling ridiculous and also feeling something she couldn't name that was definitely not ridiculous.

"Now, I want you to repeat after me. The word is redlight. Say it."

"Redlight."

"Say it again. That's the word that means everything stops, no explanations needed, no hard feelings. Can you say it if you need it?"

"Redlight."

"Good. I'll ask you for it before anything new happens, every time. The system is complete. Say it once and it's over, and I won't be mad, ever. Got it?"

"Yes." Lizzie's voice came out smaller than she expected.

"Good girl. Now the napkin. Grab one and a pen."

Lizzie fetched them from the table, still kneeling, and Kate nodded approval. "Write down every reason Tommy isn't worth you. All of them. I'll wait."

"That's going to take a while."

"Then we'd better get started."

Lizzie wrote. He ended it over the phone. He never met my friends. He made fun of my job. He alphabetizes his spice rack. She kept going. Kate sat on the bed and watched, sipping her pop, not rushing her. By the end the napkin was full on both sides and Lizzie's handwriting had gone jagged.

"Read the last one out loud," Kate said.

Lizzie looked at the last line. "He never once asked what I wanted."

"Now tear it up."

Lizzie tore the napkin into small pieces and let them fall into the trash can. Her hands were shaking. Kate got up and crossed to her own duffel.

"Last thing tonight. Are you with me?"

"Yes."

"Yes, Kate," Kate said, with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, Kate."

Kate pulled a long red silk scarf out of the bag, the same one Lizzie had seen her wear to weddings. "Do you trust me?"

"With the trip, yes. With this, I don't know yet."

"Honest answer, I'll take it. Safeword is redlight. Say it whenever you want, and everything stops, no questions, no hard feelings. Do you want to try this or not? Your yes is the only thing that matters here."

Lizzie knelt there on the motel carpet, wet hair drying, half a napkin in the trash, and realized her answer was yes, had maybe been yes for years without her knowing. "Yes, Kate. I want to try."

Kate wrapped the scarf over her eyes and tied it behind her head. The room went dark. "Now stand up and take your clothes off. Slow. There's no rush."

Lizzie stood on shaky legs and unbuttoned her blouse. The blindfold made everything sound louder, the heater, the rain, Kate's breathing somewhere behind her. She got the blouse off, then her bra, then her jeans and underwear, and stood naked in the middle of the cheap orange room, thirty-two years old and more exposed than she'd ever been.

"Beautiful. Now bend over the foot of your bed. Elbows down, head down."

Lizzie found the mattress with her hands and leaned over it. She heard Kate move behind her, heard a small click